“Fatal Stupidity, the Evil Dead, and For Heaven Sakes, Leave Bob at Home”
So as I love scary movies, I feel it is my civic duty to see them all and then report back to inform the masses whether it is worth 5 bucks or not (well, $5 to get in and $ 17.95 at the concession stand or $49.99 if you go with any of my children, but that’s neither here nor there) and my report today WAS about the movie the Evil Dead yet I feel that we must address something so much more important, something that actually could save not only YOUR life but the life of ALL your friends and possibly all of humanity instead.
Now I would at least like to go on record as saying I give the Evil Dead a thumbs up. Great scary movie. Perhaps a LITTLE more gore than necessary but all and all, great plot and they actually did something that is fairly rare and that is they made a scary movie that is actually scary……go figure. Seems like a no brainer yet somehow most of the scary movies are not in fact scary thus being quite disappointing. So yes, my fellow readers, if you would like to see an actual scary movie, I highly recommend the Evil Dead. But let’s talk a little bit about the root of the movie…the core….the guts, if you will….and that is stupidity….stupidity of the highest order as it is the kind that will not only get you killed, your dog killed, your friends killed and possible all mankind itself……..yes Ladies and Gentlemen, there IS a stupidity of that level and the Evil Dead was kind enough to address it for us. Now folks, I don’t care who you are….rich…poor…blue collar…executive….I don’t care what your beliefs are…..Christian….Baptist….Atheist…..whatever….IF YOU FIND A BOOK….IN A CELLAR….. COVERED IN HUMAN SKIN…. WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE…….DO NOT OPEN IT……PERIOD….. Really?…I was sure this was one of those “goes without saying” moments but apparently we NEED to say more……then, when you go to ALL the trouble to find wire cutters, get the barbed wire off…..peel the human skin off, open the darn thing and the first thing written in blood says DO NOT READ……and what do ya do?….ya read it….and now….you have unleashed the gates of hell….ruined it for all mankind because you were just TOO stupid to heed the HUGE warning signs about the book…Do not pass go….Do not collect 200 dollars….thank you for playing “ Thanks a Whole Bunch Cause Now We’re All Dead” ….. Yes, Mr. Idiot, Mr Curiosity, thanks a boatload for waving the wand of horrific death around …..now of course in the movie, it’s a professor that finds the wire cutters and opens the book….moron….and after he kindly unleashes the gates of hell…most of his friends are dead….he thinks that MAYBE….just MAYBE the fact he opened the “Do Not Read” book wrapped in human skin locked in barbed wire MAY have something to do with this?…..yikes…do ya think?!…are they handing out Education Certifications and Bachelor’s Degrees at Walmart now?…….oh…wait…oops, now you’re dead. I’m not trying to spoil the movie here folks, but this level of Fatal Stupidity needed to be addressed. More importantly…we need to ask ourselves…….are any of my friends “that guy”?…are any of my siblings “that guy”?…..the unwrap the human skin book guy…..Folks, I think this is not only a fair but IMPERATIVE question before you go decide to lock yourself into a cabin in the middle of nowhere with these people!…..Beer?….check…..food?…check…..sleeping bags?….check……uhhhhh anybody here that would open a buried book covered in human skin wrapped in barbed wire labeled “Do Not Open”?……oh, sorry, Bob, I guess you’re out…… It’s just not fair if Mike is unloading the truck, Joe is rounding up firewood, Barbara is firing up the grill and Bob is busy unleashing the gates of hell…….Folks, it’s just not fair.
Ask the questions, folks….leave the stupid folk at home….and spend the 5 bucks….the Evil Dead is worth it.
